Girl Next Door: Take Me to your Mother

So about a year and some months ago a nice young man enquired whether or not I was single. Of course he didn't pose this question DIRECTLY to me... that would be too brazen and this man is far too NICE. He chose, as all incurably NICE people would, to find out from a supremely efficient and only very rarely inaccurate medium called "the grapevine". Of course there is only so much information that aunty gossip can get you. Particularly when the subject of your interest is as mysterious, enigmatic and intriguing as Belle Blimblop. But mostly because in the two weeks of Management Trainee orientation I spoke to as few people as is humanly possible and succeeded in making precisely 1 and a 1/2 friends.

Aaaaanyway... the doggedness (and NICEness) with which the investigative small talk was conducted, though touching in its innocence was utterly disappointing in intent. It turns out the NICE man was drawn to me neither for my mysteriousness, nor my enigmaticness and least of all for my intriguingness. When asked to elaborate on the qualities that so endeared me to him he was known to say - "She has a pretty smile" and later "She seems sweet" and later still - "She's very 'take home'". It was in the midst of this sickeningly saccharine "Sooraj Barjatya"ness that my prospective suitor went on to say - "You know I'm 27, and my family feels I should start looking".

Eek..

And again.. Eek..

You can imagine what this did to my dreams of being the hottest Mem in Mumbai. My estimation of my own sexiness plummeted to obscene lows. My unsuspecting parents, fretting over the prospect of finding spouses for not one but TWO highly non-homely daughters: little did they know that my "Renuka Shahane" charms were already at work, attracting NICE young men. Hmpf...

*

This post is dedicated to the use of “ness” behind every adjective and SAYING THINGS IN CAPSLOCK FOR EMPHASIS.

*

That one experience may not be much to go by though. Just the other day a male friend asked when I was planning to "settle down". The conversation went as follows -

Gtalk: VKK is typing

VKK: so when are you planning to settle down?

Gtalk: SP is typing

SP: why? Are you interested?

Gtalk:

Several minutes of silence later

Gtalk: SP is typing

SP: So, ARE you interested?

Gtalk: VKK did not receive your chat

I'll take that as a sign that all is not lost. I shall now proceed to resurrect my injured oomph.

*

Child Marriage and such like startling trends:

Why the tearing hurry to wrap up the nuptials? Search me. For the life of me I can't understand why people would want to get married at the age of 24. For the benefit of the ignorant I wish to use my blog as a platform to point out a few inalienable truths that I hope will make them think twice about marriage:

1. Women do not have to stop having babies at the age of 27. They're popping out healthy little bundles of joy till well into their 30s.

2. You needn't be married to have sex. God approves of naughtiness if conducted responsibly and WILL NOT PUNISH YOU.

3. Marriage is forever. Say it with me - FOREVER

(ominous whisper) ONE person, the same person - every single day

(ominous whisper+echo) for for the the rest rest of of FOREVER (FOR-E-VER)

*

Me: I saw a cute boy on the bus today

U: Another one?

Me: Yes! Only this one is really actually cute...

U: Ok. Who is he?

Me: I don't actually know him stupid..

U: So why are you so excited?

Me: Because I might see him on the bus tomorrow and the day after and the day day after...

U: And that is a good thing because...

Me: Because... because he carries a cute brown backpack, wears vertical striped shirts and is attractive in a yuppie sort of way and could very possibly be the love of my life...

U: Bu...

Me: And he lives in Bandra... IN BANDRA! Thats where I live!! We may be neighbours!!!

U: So what comes next?

Me: Not much. For now I shall just admire him from afar and try to stare him into submission..

U: And then?

Me: Then we'd go for coffee and icecream, lunches and dinners, movies and plays, lonavala and goa..

U: And your boyfriend?

Me: Oh he's amazing...

U: Huh?

Me: Tell me about it. Such an inconvenience no?