ramble ramble

I finally shook off my inertia for long enough to actually go ahead and "create" this monstrosity.. and as it turns out my reluctance to blog wasn't without good reason.. i suddenly find myself with absolutely nothing to say..

so i'll start by spewing some existential angst why don't i.. (isn't that what blogs are for anyway?)

here goes- i don't know who i am or what i'm doing, where i'm going etc. i've never had an ambition that i could hold on to for more than 15 minutes, i've never had a role model.. never taken anyone seriously enough to want to be like them.

off late i don't like letting people in (in fact i think they're too scared to even get close) though they seem to walk right over me with alarming regularity. i'm a martyr to the cause of my own martyrdom- everyone comes first, everyone's convenience is more important than mine. and (since no one is going to actually read this.. why hesitate right?) i'll confess- i'm a really nice person too, no complaints from life, i hate it most when i'm even slightly inclined to hate someone..sheesh.. this really sucks, but only because its all true.

i can't decide whether i'm misunderstood or just not understood at all and i can't decide which one of the two is worse or if they're both all that bad. i'm also really really sleepy.

ok i think that takes care of right now.. but i've got these coming out of my ears so look forward to more in the future