xenophobe

in my next life i want to be one of three things

1. a foreigner in India (preferably caucasian)
2. a V.I.P.
3. tall

of course i'm open to variants, the most preferred of the lot being tall caucasian foreigner in india who also happens to be a V.I.P. i don't think i'd fancy being a japanese person in india even if that means i'd own an SLR and under no circumstances would i want to be an african in india, not even a V.I.P. (even they're treated like shit).

i'm sort of iffy about being an englishman in new york.. unless of course i'm sting.

(apologies to my hapless readers for the poor sense of humour and the odd rascist comment in this post.. but since there are just two of them (readers that is.. not comments), both well acquainted with my idiosyncracies i think they'll let it pass)

last night i went to a dance performance.. "Ananya" at the Old Fort here in Delhi. i was so looking forward to the experience, being a loyal patron of the festival for 4th year running (yep babies it's been 4 years.. i feel so old right now.. positively decrepit). the stars however, weren't quite aligned in my favour last night. i didn't reach the venue in time (an hour in advance being the requisite amount if you fail to fall in any of the three categories mentioned above) but was surprised that i managed to bag a seat in the "not-quite-forgotten" section of the area. so i sat down satisfied that i had done my best to acquire a good place to park my bum and began crossing my fingers and praying that the only people eyeing the seats in front of me were midgets (i haven't spared any minorities in this diatribe) as has become second nature to me (and to vertically challenged people all over the world).

and yet again the universe thought it fit to test my patience by sending giants (and i mean really tall and really big.. i'm sure they're nice people though) to sit right in front of me. not only did they arrive half an hour later than me, they also committed what i consider one of the most inexcusable sins (as if being tall were not bad enough) ever.. they brought their kids. children aren't a minority, as much as i wish they were.. but i hate them all anyway, not necessarily caucasian offspring of tall V.I.P.s in India.. ALL of them.

so not only did i have to spend the bulk of the performance bobbing my head around while the evil giants and their eviler progeny fidgeted, shifted, squirmed and took pictures of anything and everything with their fancy digital cameras.. i had to do it over the near constant din of their annoying drawl..

and that's why i want to be one of them next time around- you get to arrive fashionably late and still poke fun at "indian standard time", you wear horribly tasteless indian clothes, horribly tasteless clothes in general or very few clothes at all and get away with it and you get to speak in ghastly accents and still get taken seriously.

being 5'3" (optimistic), wheatish complexioned (tho in my defence i am "convented"- inside joke) and well not important (yet), what i'm not is one of them. what i was, was pissed of and slightly sea-sick (what with all the head bobbing)

as an aside while leaving the programme last night i also had the most trying time ever trying to catch an auto, all under the lecherous gaze of the finest specimens of the muck that populates most of delhi. in my next life i want a car or a boyfriend. a boyfriend with a car would work well.