the weather is terrible again, the sun is out and it is so horribly dry…feeling terribly parched… I wish this wretched bus would just come… maybe this is what today’s blog post will be about…ya right standing for half an hour in the scorching sun waiting for a fucking bus to show up… stellar stuff puri… arre why worry yaar, I’ll just put some existential angle on it, throw in some fancy, multisyllabalic words and you’ll have a masterpiece so there…you’re such a phony its not even remotely funny… N says write what you feel…ok so you’re going to let what other people want dictate what you write eh…jesus you need a shrink woman…haha life is hilarious…and to think you spent all those years giggling under your breath about pseudo people…so what should I write should I write should I right…ok someone is approaching me for directions…is the information desk over at fms open on Saturdays?how the hell am I supposed to know?I’m just standing in the sun waiting for the bloody bus, working on my tan and wasting precious precious time simultaneously…talk about multitasking…maybe I should be in a bschool…this poor guy is still waiting for an answer…I could just plant a kiss on his mouth for being so patient…no no polite shake of head is adequate… he looks so focussed… damn it, if I could only have focus, life would be so much better…look at him!he looks like the sum total of his entire existence was geared toward this Saturday morning trip to the information desk at fms…what a bastard, I envy him so…no no Mathu assures me that bschool people are as clueless as non bschool people…they don’t really know where life is taking them either…right now I want to go to kozhikode and plant a kiss on Mathu…via Cochin of course (can’t disappoint korah)

now there’s a dharna happening…halla bol halla bol…someone with a leaflet, hide!…ok so I’m going to try to blend into the wall and just pretend I don’t exist so they can’t see me… access to wall is denied by a cow…I know what Aby would say if he were here, “In Kerala, that (the cow) would’ve been on a plate”… he’d also chide me for bargaining excessively with rickshaw wallahs who are the only people in the world who “do real work anyway” before reminding me that I’m way too insecure… haha we had some laughs and fun times… the leaflet approaches, something about the unfortunate goings on in ramjas…shit everyone has focus yaar the fms guy, the dharna, the leaflet, even the stupid cow knows where she.. no wait, yes it’s a she, wants to go… this sucks… damn they’re asking me to join…well I can’t really, I’m waiting for this bus which really should have come by now…hmm…hmm…I have to go meet an old friend in cp see he’s in town from Norway for only a couple of days and he’s sponsoring an entire weekend of fun for anyone with whom he had a conversation in college…uff that boy is too nice re…I wonder what I’ll order…don’t get to go to QBA everyday you know…damn I wish I had known would’ve slept through breakfast…I can’t join the demonstration can I? can I?no no, but I will think about it while I’m chewing on the coriander in my mojhito…MOJHITO! That’s what I should order…excellent, one difficult decision taken care of, now I just need to decide what to do with the rest of my life…ho hum…you know you think way too much moron, while you’re here waiting on a bus which is so not going to show up, avoiding cows and opinions…having embraced inaction as a way of life…every sane person in your class has hit the books with a lethal vengeance scanning into their brains all necessary and unnecessary information…shit this is funny, god must really like me…having made life so simple…for a directionless goophead like me…goophead… interesting word

must sit in the last metro bogey…priya says it’s the least likely to be blown up in the event of a terrorist attack…what’s happening in ramjas is sad yaar…but everyone knew all along so why didn’t they just do anything about it huh?huh?huh? so that’s what I’ll write a about today, sexual harassment- we’ve all been victims of it at some point of time or the other…remember how every time you board a bus for home you pray under your breath that nothing unpleasant happens again…no no wait I can’t write about that…nobody knows about it…I hope the guy rots in hell…bloody bastard…but speaking of buses…what about the time I fell off one in the middle of ITO…nearly got run over by a car…the kind auto wallah put break oil on my arm wound…my eye was swollen solid…like one of those star trek aliens…the old captain kirk series not the more sophisticated Patrick stewart episodes…sported a black eye for a week I did, Jayant said I was now a genuine “black eyed P”…haha…yes yes, near death experiences totally worthy of documentation…who are you writing for anyway?clearly not yourself…you’d never put down what you wanted to say, really wanted to say…pai says a blog is a good way to keep track of what your friends are up to…hmm..hmm..good point…right now I want to go to Singapore to plant a kiss on pai…so seriously if I can’t write what I really feel what should I do with that stuff…I mean I have to do something…but I don’t particularly feel like telling anyone those things either…unless in a non-committal way if the subject does come up in conversation…see that’s what’s been your problem all along sweets, you resist sharing what you really feel with even those among the general populous who are ok with you just the way you are…and you’ve convinced yourself that it s good thing to not have to count on people…boredom and loneliness as it manifests itself in your life is not a product of circumstances, it is a construct of your own deliberate actions…but then what’s so wrong with that anyway?I chose to be this way and choose to remain this way so there must be some wisdom to all this madness…besides I’m too old to change anyway…so ok I’ll have one blog for them and one that’s all mine…eh but do you really see yourself writing for a blog that no one visits…it could happen…who’re you kidding? No it really could… bleh…just look at your last few posts yaar…you started off writing about lots of ugly feeling etc. and now you’re talking about pimples…so totally playing to the gallery its not even funny…

[phone call from home: it astounds me how rude I can be to people who’ve kept me fed and clothed for more than two decades…how are you…terrible…college sucks and life is boring…what happened today? Nothing… haven’t we established that college is boring…how’re all your friends…ok…is there anything you’d like to say…no]

yes where was I? [reader loyalt test/contest: anyone who has read through this entire post and survived to tell the tale may please contact author for bumper surpirise prize] ah haan haan…but ammu chechi once said that’s how all relationships, the romantic kind go- at the start you’re always sizing the other person up and being sized up by them so you start out discussing special and profound things, like issues you’re passionate about, various shades of grey in the world, wider significance of seemingly silly things and feelings and emotions and you feel all grand because such complex issues never really come up in the course of day to day mundane conversation…but then later, that’s what it becomes-day to day mundane conversation about studies and food and clothes and nasty people and nice people and yes even about pimples…so its ok really, ammu's right...this is just the beginning of your love affair with yourself…the others are purely incidental…well actually they’re crucial but in an incidental sort of way…hmmm I like the sound of that :)

right now I want to go to chennai and plant a big wet kiss on ammu...